Unofficial Guide to Hot Girl Summer
Fashion, makeup and more to pose this season
Hey, I’m Bonnie and welcome to my Friday newsletter. Each week I share insight into the art of being photogenic, including how to pose, what to wear—fashionable style, makeup—and a lot of whatnot that may benefit your photo. Why, because you can do all that with a phone camera.
Introduction: Hot Girl Is Hot, Summer Is Hot, But …
A hot girl is usually considered the bad guy. I should know. I photographed enough of them. A big part of my work as a fashion photographer developed in furtherance of schemes by fashion magazines asking, “Is your figure ready for a bikini this summer?” I’ve got news for you, Anna. My figure wasn’t ready for a bikini last summer, and I ran into a slight snag the night before the start of my yearlong diet, so I never went on it. I consumed my way through content arranged for the new line of swimwear in the throes of winter: pleasant, cheery, sunny, smiling, gay, spirited, chipper, vivacious, sparkling, happy, and sportive: and was well on my way to believing in a plump, red-suited, jolly old man who brought the wish of every good boy and girl on the nice list. Now I find out, no, this is folklore. Old men aren’t jolly at all. They’re frustrated folk with the lure of a dad bod.
There was a time when I had a twenty-three-inch waist. I was 10 years old at the time. As I recall, my measurements were 23-23-23. Even in elementary school, I knew I could never be too wishful in my thinking about those figures. So, I thought of how to picture somebody else, in a beauty pageant, a cover girl, a supermodel.
I should be clear about my meaning. Neither pictograms nor ideograms capture a subject of a news story because no one-to-one correspondence exists between them and their meaning. Pictograms and ideograms are interpreted rather than read. As an example, consider the following extremely compelling photo essay.
There are several different ways to interpret these images. If you know the story they’re trying to tell, these pictures can remind you of it, but if you don’t, you have to assume a lot. Perhaps it is the story of a hot girl eating a cool peach. Perhaps it is the tale of a cool girl eating a hot peach. We will never know. In contrast, the sentence “She waved, her hair catching in the cool ocean breeze, and in her sunglasses I saw reflected a horrible, monstrously giant peach: it was my ass” has a meaning that’s much more clearly defined. While ambiguity can be arguably read in any writing, the nonpictorial version has a much more particular and specific meaning. The story of the islander toiling for a place in the sun also has a script called “rongorongo” that cannot be deciphered. It composes a picture writing of stylized images that are to a large extent representing animals, plants, humans, and other forms. It was written by the Rapa Nui people who inhabited Easter Island, and it looks like this.
Within the span-length of a century it decayed into meaningless shapes and squiggles, part of a cultural tradition that no one alive today can understand. This should terrify you, BTW. Writing is not something humanity gets for free, and like all technologies, it can be lost. I recommend that you build writing into your photography ASAP.
OK, let’s start picture writing ourselves in the story of hot girl summer already.
You know what? Let’s.
Part One: Beach, Please
1. If You Want To Be a Star, Don’t Think You Can Outshine the Sun
2. Firecrackers, Quicksand, Jersey Boys, and Other Attractive Nuisances To Avoid
Part Two: What We Talk About When We Talk About Taking the #HotGirlSummer Picture
3. Solving All Your Problems by Avoiding Pressure To Hold the Viewers’ Attention
Part Three: Summer for Immortal Fame and Literally Live Forever
Conclusion: You Are Become Content, the Creator of Worlds
Part One: Beach, Please
A picture is worth a thousand words. So a dozen words costs twelve-thousandths of a picture. The same goes for a thousand victories in The Art of War. However, we need only one.
The plan looks good on paper. No doubt in dynastic terms of Sun-tzu.
Unfortunately it was anything but clear to an ancient Chinese warlord what a manned mission to the sun would be like. Flash-forward to the present. The sun is our sole enemy (or at least our frenemy). I conducted a little background investigation online to see what dirt I could find on our newfound foe. It turned up zilch, nada. Not a single Web page, profile, or handle to account for the center of our solar system. No verifiable existence in cyberspace or any virtual environments that make up the metaverse. Welp, there goes my hope to stalk, I err, follow the sun on social. And to think I went through all that trouble to create a fake profile for nothing.
Technology is not all useless here. We could fuse ChatGPT with a thinking brain capable of weighing stars and atoms and rocket it off to the sun. It would allow us to intimate a knowledge of the sun at its core, where hydrogen burns to form helium. But we already know that. Even assuming the mission succeeded to give anything like an adequate image of the photogenic facts, it would likelier see our future hang in a hair-trigger balance between our chatbot being an atomic spy with working knowledge of nuclear fission and being a weapon whose destructive power derives from an uncontrollable nuclear reaction. Or we could refuse to be complicit in waiting for the AI that will one day enslave humanity to reboot The Matrix, and just beach.
Kenough? In theory as distinguished from fact, practice, accomplishment, or probable outcome. We’ve got to test it out.
1. If You Want To Be a Star, Don’t Think You Can Outshine the Sun
Picture to yourself the stage set for a working lunch at the beach. It is the midday. The sun feels spicy on your skin even as the sea breeze blowing inland rushes over you. A tiki hut hung out a shingle that reads like a welcome sign, “No shoes, no problem.” You notice sand in your shoe but haven’t the time to stop. No problem either. Sorry, what for tobacco are you smoking? Call it divine intervention from the tiki of a Polynesian supernatural power. Somehow or other, you pulled an amazing flip-flop on your feet that put the plans back in motion. You followed the traces of businessmen into your lunch hour. The sun-glade on the water blinding as it were if shone on tin. You’re in the thick of it and it’s too late to back down now.
Against sandblast of time and spoliation of man, you shield your face, eyes squinted in the sunblink. Meanwhile, the mean sun continues to glare at you intently almost it seemed just to harshen your mellow and break your stride across the white sand beach. The instancy of peril put your phone camera on the blink. There was no blinking about the fact that you had been worried about exposure to UV effects of sunburn, leaving you red faced with photodamage.
The most quality time to spend with your camera is in the early morning or evening golden hour. Quite the reverse is true at noontime and about midday, when the sun is glaring and throwing shade at you, darkening your eye sockets and under your nose.
Truthfully, you couldn’t have picked a worse time to picture. We judge the shape and texture of things mostly by the way light strikes them. Not to be judgy, but the luncheon service in this hotel or wherever you ate is very remiss. I mean, you ordered light fare at midday but got deep fried. It never pays to stand for fine words contrasted with flaky behavior. Next time you insist on lunching outdoors, take care to remind yourself and any paparazzo there, “No photo ops here, please.”
Suppose you decided to work off lunch with an afternoon ramble. After going through the boardwalks for a time, you end up bumping into your favorite celebrity. Does the direction of the sun overhead of you mean no selfie with Shakira? No dude. This is likely your one and only chance to get that picture. You don’t f—stop to consider a photo op like that. What can you do in a midday pinch? Consider an epicurean approach. Just as testimony makes someone look good in virtue of making someone else look not so hot, the experience of seeing yourself put in a bad light can help place you in a good light. This certainly sounds like the oddest doctrine, but in fact, it is the bestest receipt for avoiding calumny.
Look at your phone or digital camera viewfinder, showing the area of your image to be included in the picture. The display is a touchscreen so superbright that everything about you has more transparent volume, and the light cast of your figure seems bigger than its real dimensions. You need a cure-all. Righto, get a doctor stat. Uh-uh.
Find a way to block off the unwanted sunlight. Try ducking for cover under the sunshade of an awning or parasol. The idea is to get yourself (and Shakira) out from under the direction of toplighting and into the reflection of sidelight or frontlighting.
There may not be an overhang nearby, in which case you might need to convince Shakira to follow you down an unlit alleyway for a picture. If you manage that, great. You’ve got it made in the shade with low-key daylight brightening up your whole outlook. If you can’t manage that, well, no one’s surprised.
Probably you want to beat the living daylights out of the sun at this point. I get that taking a picture with such a hothead has been unpleasant. The thing is, you have no direct way to beat the light, so you just have to join it. Sounds intense. Well, it is. Don’t worry about a thing. I’ve got you covered. Snap the two-shot of you and Shakira with even more light! That’s right, use a flash or another source of fill-in light (such as the built-in flashlight on a friend’s smartphone) situated atop your camera. That’ll open up the deep shadow cast upon your faces by your features intercepting sunrays emanated from the main source of sunlight at solar noon or about midday.
2. Firecrackers, Quicksand, Jersey Boys, and Other Attractive Nuisances To Avoid
This is dynamite 🧨
This is your hand on dynamite 💥
Any questions? Like afterwards, when I show you my hand🖕then try to steal a kiss, and you say, look, thanks for the chai and the firecrackers, but there are no fireworks between us. Then you say my ham-handedness, by comparison, dubbed an animal that hands its way through the trees a master of unspoken rizz.
This turn of events nonplusses me. What am I missing?
Other than three fingers and a thumb, much.
(A) Firecrackers
Fireworks lit up the sky while firecrackers blew up your hand, the lawn, and part of a mailbox. If fireworks looked like the private foible of experts, the shortcoming in firecrackers showcased the minor flaw and foil of amateurs.
You might think of the task at hand by analogy. Imagine playing in such pro-ams with photography all the while trying to picture the works better than any Italian sub at a two-by-twice sandwich shop sans the crackers relating the latent brutality, degradation and stupidity of a small American mining or industrial town.
Nocturnal photography is manifest in your ability to see the light in the dark. This can be challenging but far from impossible. Photographers work in the murk, after all. And night blindness is not really a hazard of the profession. You just need more or less exposure to the subject.
Our eye automatically controls for exposure by opening or closing its iris. We see this effect upon entry into underlit interiors from outdoors on a bright sunny day—until our eye adjusts, objects are too dark (= underexposed) or too washed out (= overexposed) to see. The eye of a camera adjusts similarly by its (1): aperture setting indicated by an f-number; (2): speed at which a mechanical device of various forms (such as the rotary, iris diaphragm, or focal-plane shutter) exposes the film or plate by opening and closing an aperture; and (3): sensitivity to light measured by ISO (International Organization for Standardization).
Those carrying a powerful DSLR (digital single-lens reflex) or mirrorless camera around everywhere we go may immediately recognize these parameters on exposure of a sensitized photographic material to the total amount of light in terms of time and in relation to brightness. For our purposes, however, we can ignore the baroque complexity of that technocratic jargon by simply understanding the crux of the problem comes from lighting (or a lack thereof).
Most of us carry a point-and-shoot camera (as in a smartphone or tablet) not requiring user adjustment. In automatically adjusted controls (as for focus, shutter speed, flash) effecting instantaneous exposure for us, the way in which technical details are treated was abolished, but the effect remains keenly felt long afterwards.
Oftentimes people seem to have an answer at their fingertips when in fact their seeming eidetic memory or mental acuity was all due to their thorough familiarity with the subject or else they just have an excellent filing system. This is not those times. A phone camera finder has latent controls right at the user’s fingertips, for instant exposure adjustment of the image, viewed directly with a sight held at eye level.
Touch and drag your fingertip up to brighten the onscreen image or down to darken it. Your finger on the touchscreen cues the smart technology to adjust the total amount of exposure received per unit area on sensitized photographic material (usually expressed for cameras in terms of the time and the lens f-number).
Lowering the exposure reduces the amount of light that enters the camera lens, which is crucial when photographing bright, fast-moving objects like fireworks. This downward adjustment helps to prevent the image from becoming overexposed, where the bright bursts of fireworks can appear washed out and lose vibrant colors and details. Again, from the camera app of your smartphone, tap on the area of touchscreen where the firework or object is that you want to bring into focus. Now slide your fingertip downwards on the exposure adjustment icon to lower/lessen/decrease the exposure. This allows you to capture the intricate patterns and vivid starbursts in color displays of fireworks against the dark night sky.
The technique is best used sparingly, however, because to the extent it works the change affects exposure in the entire picture. And the price you pay for overuse accrues in excessive costs to photographic data, which losses are often overlooked but irretrievable. Wanna drag? Just say no—except for celebrating special occasions of fireworks. OK.
(B) Quicksand
If the highlight of the festival is a comedy sci-fi B movie with a name like “Beach Bunnies from Planet Quicksand” that hasn't been seen in theaters since its 1964 release, you might want to tune out, change the channel, and watch a commercial instead. Like this one:
Have you heard Victoria’s Bonnie’s secret? Oooh. Now stand up on your tippy-toes, elongate your legs. Talk about a showstopper of a pose.
It is especially keen to see in a photo of the barefoot beachgoer, whose feet tend to be submerged, sometimes sunken down to the ankles, in what may as well be quicksand. Anywhere else I’d be a 10, but here I’m just in ken of shore.
While a stiletto heel or a spike heel on women's shoes may not be the most practical choice of footwear for walking on the beach, you still can achieve the illusion of height and look leggy on your tippy-toes. Whether you sauntered slowly down the street or traipsed down the shore to strike a pose in the sand, even a subtle tiptoe can make all the difference in creating a captivating visual effect. The adjustment of footwork not only mimics the effect of wearing high heels but also brings an air of grace and poise to the notion of just beach.
I’m trying to envisage Ken on a surfboard. You can look every bit a 10 out of hang ten over on the shoreline. Just as a surfer riding a wave with the weight of the body forward and the toes of both feet turned over the front edge of the board, here, incorporate the upper body with tiptoeing on the beach. Pay attention to body alignment in the positioning of your arms, legs and feet to create a cohesive and visually pleasing composition. Meanwhile, keep your shoulders relaxed and back straight with spine elongated to exude confidence and even more grace. Goodness gracious, that act is bodacious.
(C) Jersey Boys
Not to be confused with Jersey Shore boys.
You may not know Atlantic City from the boardwalk in Monopoly or how to “Walk Like a Man.” But you know summer, of all the four seasons, is by far the most dramatic. This is namely because of a Jersey boy named Frankie Valli. “Big Girl’s Don’t Cry,” he crooned. Yet here we are, eye makeup streaming down my face. Makeup is a mess in summer. Every makeup artist I ever spoke with told me not to wear makeup at the beach or gym, especially at this time of year.
I buy into the idea of us absolutely not wearing makeup at the summeriest beach or sweatiest gym. On the other hand, there’ve been and will continue to be certain summertime events at which we absolutely must wear makeup, for example: on a cruse ship, to a photoshoot, a reunion, or homecoming. Even glamping in the great outdoors would not look very glam and feel closer to the ping of a Boy Scout’s slingshot without at least a little makeup on. Almost no summer is sweatless, indeed slews of events happen between “absolutely must” and “absolutely not” makeup time: block parties, barbecues, carnivals, fairs, festivals, parks, and lots of et cetera.
On the days you absolutely must wear makeup, there is a smart way to look your best. Then we can talk about the new-wave solution of what “absolutely not makeup” means. As to whether wearing makeup is sensible at any other time, for all the remaining dog days of summer, use common sense.
Are you in the midst of a heat wave? Will you be participating in a strenuous physical activity or performing manual labor? In a place that resembles boot camp? Gonna work the saw back in Wichita? Have you been sentenced to prison and ordered to serve time outside working on the chain gang? Sailing on the open seas or horseback riding on the open range? Seen a mirage lately? Following the law of the jungle or is this code presumed to be in effect: over the river and through the woods to the outback; along a very thinly settled outskirt where a bullfrog, the patriarch of the swamp, blew suddenly on his mighty tuba, “jug-a-rum”?
If the answer to these questions is yes, then you my friend are in sort of a Hobbesian thunderdome, the equivalent of a sweatshop outdoors, with the prime conditions in a petri dish for what we call swamp ass. You definitely want to avoid spreading that or worse, see it rear up on your face. Because no amount of makeup then could stop you from looking like a total butthead.
Following is the smart protocol for “absolutely must” makeup occasions.
Mix liquid products with powder for a long lasting look. LA Girl foundation offers full coverage for around five bucks. This is a bargain for a darn close to flawless complexion that’s not weighty on your face (but leaves your wallet heavy). Lock in the foundation and control shine with a powder dusting. My fave is Laura Mercier’s translucent powder.
Finish with Setting Spray. Complete the makeup look with a spritz of setting spray to seal everything in place. Charlotte Tilbury offers a nice setting spray that not only locks in cosmetic makeup but also provides a little burst of hydration for combating summer heat.
For days when you just beach, wearing a lot of makeup traps sweat and impurities under the skin. Bake at high heat for about 30 minutes, let steam with humidity, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for clogged pores. Keep going to upgrade those puppies to skin irritations and eventually full breakouts. The new-wave solution of just beach makeup is a line of SPF cosmetics, and dude, they work. These sunscreen x makeup products provide UV protection with a soft cosmetic look that looks great in photos.
Following is a link to my recommended lineup of sunscreen x makeup products for when you just beach (or alternatively, GTL).
When it comes to beachy photos with beauty products, less is more. Instead of heavy makeups that can frankly melt or feel uncomfortable on that bright sunshiny day, the beauty of natural skin shown with sunscreen x makeup products almost feels like an evolution in cosmetics because these products not only protect and provide coverage but also they add glow, which really helps you look and feel your best where least expected, capturing unforgettable moments by the seashore.
Part Two: What We Talk About When We Talk About Taking the #HotGirlSummer Picture
Speak of the devil, we were just talking about you! Specifically, we talk about physics when we talk about your physique in a picture. I hope you were paying attention here. There will be a popquiz. No pressure.
3. Solving All Your Problems by Avoiding Pressure To Hold the Viewers’ Attention
In classical physics, the mechanics of friction and inertia elongate and compress mass. The effects of the phenomena on body mass reflect in the eye of the camera too. Though body mass remains constant throughout a photoshoot, to exert physical pressure or inert body motion can result in the subject looking bloated or sculpted, muscular or scrawny, from one picture to the next. Thighs appear slimmer in circumference standing than pressed flatly against the seat of a chair; arms look slimmer hanging naturally down by the sides than folded crossarm, whereby an area or part of the body massing volume on top would come from another exerting pressure underneath.
At bottom, avoid pressure on the torso for longer, leaner looks; add pressure for more massive might. To pose with bated breath or suck in your stomach will only put pressure on other areas. Avoid the side effect of a double chin, heavyset face, or thickset neck. Instead, just roll with it. Specifically, roll your shoulders back as you would to do a pre-workout warmup session. The rotational movement not only increases synovial fluid in the shoulder joints but also elongates the neck and improves posture (read better body language). Tilt your chin forward to lift your head up rather than tuck your chin inward to lie low. The success of the alt pose lies in its direct means to accentuate a more defined jawline and elongated neckline.
P.S. Sometimes mass effects are implied nonfactors of applied mechanics. The massive implications are not based on exert pressure but rather reflected in extant lighting. For example, the dimpling of cellulitis is more noticeable in the harsh, overhead light of the midday sun, whereby the enhanced texture in an image made of higher contrast sunlight would imply more mass despite a lack of applied pressure.
Or alternatively, consider how people have always lain down to sunbathe. Suppose you follow suit, proceed to lie prostrate, then take a photo from above. All your body will look spread in the eye of the camera. It’s better to lift your head from the ground.
Here is an example of posing the above image step by step in video:
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Part Three: Summer for Immortal Fame and Literally Live Forever
In the early 1600s, the philosopher Francis Bacon wrote a book called The Historie of Life and Death, With Observations Naturall and Experimentall for the Prolonging of Life, in which he listed the physical traits of those whom he observed to live the longest.
Get out a mirror, because if you’re tall, with a small head, freckles, hard thickly curled red or black hair, green eyes, large nostrils, a wide mouth full of even teeth, ears “grisly, not fleshy,” a middle-sized neck that’s neither long nor slender nor thick nor short, small crooked shoulders, skinny thighs, long hairy legs, a non-hairy chest, a flat belly, broad unlined hands but a big wrinkly forehead, short round feet, firm veiny flesh full of muscles and sinews, and buttocks that are “not too big” with overall senses that are “not too sharpe,” then congratulations: you have Francis Bacon’s ideal body for long life. Must be nice.
As for the rest of us, there is an alternate piece of wisdom from 18th-century polymath and party animal Benjamin Franklin. At the age of 32, he wrote this. “If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead and rotten, then write something worth reading, or do something worth the writing.” The last bit is our cue to do something sightworthy. Something people will soon be writing about and talking on overlong for maybe all time. That would all but guarantee an entry in the annals of history. So pick your character from the below set of immemorial swimwear.
Bigger hips
An eye-catching top naturally draws attention upward, effectively minimizing focus on the lower half. Opt for 3-D and abstract designs to add a dramatic flair, which I personally adore.
Left: Cupshe, here; Right: Anthropologie, here
Small bust
For those with a smaller bust, creating the illusion of volume can enhance your natural shape. Crochet is also very trendy right now, so take advantage of this stylish option.
Left: swimsuit, here; Right: swimsuit, here
Big bust
Bra-style tops with underwires and/or adjustable straps offer excellent bust support. Opting for thicker straps can provide even more stability and comfort.
Left: Boden, here; Right: Amazon, here
Curvy
Colorblock patterns are perfect for accentuating and highlighting your natural curves. Opt for strategic color placements to enhance your silhouette and create a flattering look.
Left: Boden, here; Right: Alexandra Miro, here (Note: the pink one is on sale).
Broader shoulders
Bottoms with bold prints or ruffles can help balance your proportions by creating the appearance of a more curvaceous bottom. This draws attention downward, in turn, creating a more harmonious silhouette.
Left: Cupshe, here; Right: Victoria’s Secret, here
Tummy
Tummy control swimsuits are perfect for tapering the waistline. Cupshe offers an affordable option worth checking out. Additionally, I recommend Ta3swim, as it effectively cinches the waist in a corseted style, providing excellent support and shaping.
Left: Cupshe, here; Right: Ta3swim, here
Conclusion: You Are Become Content, the Creator of Worlds
Opposite Oppenheimer, a bombshell who won’t bomb and is no dud—that’s you, Hot Girl. You become immortalized. You look like a goddess. But you are not actually immortal. Meaning people worship you and your deific chisel, but the ambrosia’s different. You still have to wear a seatbelt and remember to look both ways before crossing the street. And I would avoid holding a lit firecracker. Another thing, while you cannot bomb, you are not the sun, so the sun can photobomb you. Watch out taking pictures in the midday. Also, FYI, navy beans are white, not navy blue. If you see navy blue beans, it signifies death. Other than that, go on forever living the dream.