THE ELEVATED BASIC BITCH'S GUIDE TO FALL
Sugar substitute and pumpkin spice and everything nice
Creating and rebutting the presumption
“In the late summer of that year,” Ernest Hemingway began matter-of-factly explaining away the presumption of fall, “and the leaves fell early that year.”
In the latest viral video of this year, Lenny Kravitz arrived in season, loosely scarfed amid lush pasture and woods in leaf to reckon with the presumption of summer, and went a bit further to explain, “It’s the first day of fall.”
Raking Ernest’s leaves or toting Lenny’s big scarf round to a few parties sounds like a pretty fitting way to ring in the season. You know what else does? Making a beautiful gourd necklace for myself, like Colin Nissan.
People are going to be like, “Aren’t those gourds straining your neck?” And I’m just going to thread another gourd onto my necklace without breaking their gaze and quietly reply, “It’s fall, fuckfaces. You’re either ready to reap this bitchin’ harvest or you’re not.”
Take any of the seasonal approaches as hereinabove described and go write the next great American novel, make a viral video, and improve your social life. Unfortunately, none works with the photography you share (as a picture) on your social media or in person. A photograph is a pictorial composition, after all. It speaks for itself. Reiterating the point of view your photo just gave, literally (as by adding on a photo caption or tags), is a little like explaining a joke, or dissecting a frog. You understand it better, sure, but the thing dies in the process.
The thing is … you need to create the presumption of fall 2024. Why, because looking back to school after a fashion, with the likeness of John Travolta or Olivia Newton John in Grease, looks out of style.
And another thing, I found the trial balloon at an immense height indeed, and the fashion world’s convexity had now become strikingly manifest. Turns out a single idea, well conceived and well executed, can still blow us away.
Your course is clear: you are becoming a woman of style or man-about-town with a leaf blower. This is the photogenic benefit of subscribing to a newsletter that generates a current of air in the analog of a machine used to collect loose leaves and debris: a fun and basic suburbanite way to rake in fall content (that’s what they call "debris”) arranged for a photo dump on your social media.
For your safety, and the safety of those around you, multiple fashion plates installed throughout the EBB Guide work to ensure your efforts do not fall short. We make no assumptions about the clothes you’re wearing or what you already know. Rather, I presume you know nothing about the … subject, and yet you have the presumption to attempt to influence me, making the Guide nothing short of a complete cheat sheet for social media.
Table of Contents
Basic Stereotypes
A Special Note If You Live Under a Rock
The Basic Design Elements
Base
Basic Dress
Basic Props
Elevated Fall Photography
Guidelines Are Arbitrary, But Here’s How You Can Reinvent the Ones in This Guide From Scratch
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