Olympic Sports That Would Have Been Introduced If Photogenic Hosted the 2024 Games

Enter our gold camerist contest (deets inside)

Shoelace tying

When it comes to lights, camera, action I’m tying my sneaker, full stop. Bending down to tie a shoelace may not sound thrilling, but it is dynamic.

Long look

Look long into the eye of the camera. A photographic subject doing so could in noway call up the mental picture of William Faulkner’s “wooden-faced country people.” Quite the reverse is true, whereby a shift in body weight leant forward would affect the conventional attitudinizing of the subject seated comfortably and hence give the viewer cause to assume a thaw in body language which laid bare every sensibility to chillax and stop being such a peckerwood.

Toting

Idle hands are the devil’s workshop. Sport a prop in a photo to keep up appearances. Anything you can tote, from a handbag to a bunch of bananas, will do good work.

Synchronized stretching

Synchronized happens at the same time; ergo: more than one body part was involved. The composition may be symmetric or asymmetric as long as the parts are in sync. In the above image, a seat-of-the-pants decision to lean against the park bench required balance, between a handhold on top of the chairback and footwork on the ground in front. To make synchronous in operation look natural, keep it real.

Wall leaning

Most people omit to walk round the wall in their hurry. Then there’s the missed opportunity and making sure we are leaning in during this time of golden photo ops around the establishment and development into the very Cheops pyramid of design: triangle. Not so much “Walk Like an Egyptian” as a standpoint of bent arms or legs.

Out-of-pocket layout

A layout is a body position used in diving, swimming, and gymnastics in which the trunk is extended, the head is back, the back is arched, and the arms are extended sideways. The Photogenic version does all that except for the arms are hanging naturally down by the sides, with the fingers or thumb of one hand tucked in a small pocket just below the front waistband of trousers, as a fob chain carried in a fob pocket and an ornament hanging outside.

Enter in any Photogenic sport as hereinabove discussed for your shot at becoming an Olympic gold camerist.

Picture to yourself the scene glowing up atop the platform, people from all around the World Wide Web watch you snag an Instagrammable moment, literally on the Instagram photo-sharing service there, where I present you as the gold camerist at the 2024 Photogenic Olympics. Bonus: as the inaugural winner of your chosen sport you automatically hold the world record.

Flip your TV off, not to say give television the middle finger. Does it sound weirder to say, “I turn my TV on” or “I turn on my TV”? Doubtless an arousing question, but it does eff with your mind. Where was I? Oh, yeah, the other thing is economics turns TV off. It’s high time you quit vegging out like a couch potato and get yourself in front of the camera like a viewy little socialite. The Photogenic Olympics gave you a purpose and a calling, with an understanding. Each of these images depict one sport or way of posing yourself. By no means is this the only way or even the best one. Just as gymnasts or divers may score a perfect 10 in a number of ways, you can attain a picture-perfect shot. How many postures can you assume to pose? That is up to your imagination. Any and all of them are fair game.

If you say, “I recently ordered an old-fashioned, so of course the price wasn’t,” then your ironic of course revealed you’re wise to the fact that the same old hat could use a new-fashioned look.

Get inspired. Be Creative.

Citius, Altius, Fortius.

What? Send me your best sports shot of Photogenic Olympian portraiture. (“Best” obviously means No. 1, as in one photo apiece of the selfsame pose.)

How? In a snap in an e-mail attachment to message me, bonnie@bonnierzmphoto.com. Make sure to note or mark any of various sports poses submitted as in the newsletter, and don’t forget to include your IG handle for a chance to be featured on Instagram as a subject of a story I post.

When? The deadline is Aug 9, 2024.

Good luck!